My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
