I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize