and you said cock pushups were impossible
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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