theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
