you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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