i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
