it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
