The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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