I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
