tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I love you.
Bad choice
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