got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
