I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
