I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
