Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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