Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
