She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
