I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
