This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
