as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I understand Curling. That high.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
