I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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