There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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