God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
