Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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