I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
