Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
