he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
