Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
