If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
