oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
