Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
