Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
