I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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