i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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