dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
