Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
