I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
