and you said cock pushups were impossible
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
