I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize