I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
be right there i have to get my cape
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I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have aggressive nipples.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize