you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
