saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
