Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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