Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
