Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
