i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
