singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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