There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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