Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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