The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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