Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Alive.
So much puke
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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