I wanna bring you to show and tell
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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