I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Terrible idea I love it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
