I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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