I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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