i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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