I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
