i was born a porn star she said
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
