I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
