Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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