im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize