i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
