Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
