I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
