Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
