i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
