I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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