can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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