Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize