If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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