you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
