he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
