I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
