I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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