Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
