if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you would pick up someone in the library
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
