I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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