I can text with my tongue
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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