the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
