Acid is not a monday night drug
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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