did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
