so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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