i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I smell like Dick and happiness
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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