i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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