She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
